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| Geoff |
I had recently graduated from university and was on my way to a career in broadcasting when I felt that I was coming down with a severe flu. I remember driving to an all night store to get some throat spray at about five in the morning. The next thing I remember is several days later waking up in the hospital from a coma.
Apparently, I was going to be okay to go home in a couple of days I was told - then the hallucinations started. I could go on and on about those and the many things that happened during my stay at the hospital. Some of them are really funny. Some were terrifying. Regardless, they were all very real to me at the time.
The other thing that began during this time was seizures. This has continued to follow
me to this day. For a period of time, I only seemed to have the seizures during my sleep, and so I didn't
really mind so much. It didn't have a direct effect on my life (or so I thought). I could drive as long as the
seizures were only nocturnal and I had won my battles with the ministry of transportation to get my
driver's license back. Then in April of 1999, I had a major seizure in my sleep in which I injured myself
badly. This was the first of many. Sometimes they would be nocturnal, sometimes when I am awake.
Regardless, a change in pattern was definitely happening, and the drugs were not controlling the
seizures. Also, every time I change drugs, I change the side effects that I deal with which range from,
just being "buzzed out" to forgetful, tired, and sometimes paranoid. I have been on Dilantin, Epival,
Frizium, and am now on Tegratol, Topramax, and neurontin. Finally, the neurologists seem to have
realized that drug therapy is not doing much for me and I'm scheduled for assessment in London
Ontario to see if I'm a good candidate for brain surgery. I'm scared to death.
I think the worst part is looking at friends and family and wondering what's going on inside their heads.
Do they think I'm insane? Do they know that I'm still the same person in here? There are so many
people that I love so much and I see them treating me differently then they used to. The problem is that
I don't know whether my perception of this is reality, or another hallucination because of the illness, or
because of all the stupid drugs that I'm on. It's so tempting just to just stop taking the pills to see what
I would feel like without them, but I don't want to risk the possible injuries that could happen as a result
of more seizures without medication. What began as occasional recreation as a teenager has now also
become near chronic self-medication with marijuana to take to edge off the effects of the other drugs.
Stupid perhaps, but we all have our ways of dealing with things.
I was so happy to find this collection of people's stories. If there is anyone going through something
similar that I can help in any way, I'd be happy to hear from them.
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Geoff
Ontario, Canada
Posted: Dec. 16, 2000 |
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