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| Dan |
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It is only recently that I have discovered this site and read some of the information and stories. Much experience has slotted into place, and I can now attribute much of the mess in my life over the last 20 plus years to the effects of encephalitis. I was unable to do this before.
I had just started a new job as a Farm Manager on 700 acres in Hampshire, when I contracted mumps. It was early 1978. We were also looking to adopt children since the death of our first and birth, with severe handicap, of our second. I was out of action for several weeks with the effects of mumps.
As I started to recover, I was conscious of a "lump of wood" in the back of my skull that made me feel as though I was lying
on concrete when my head was on the softest pillow. As I returned to work I was afflicted, sometimes for days, with a sort of
headache, which made me averse to light, and left me unable to think or plan. I visited a specialist doctor who commissioned
scans and investigations and then told me that the encephalitis was "bilateral and universal" – I still do not know what that
really means. These bouts persisted for years afterwards but diminished gradually in intensity, length and frequency. My
organisational skills fell apart and gradually I slipped into a deep depression. As the result of a recommendation from a friend,
I undertook counselling from a doctor at the local University. He was most helpful but did not eliminate the depression, nor
the apparent change of character, which I was increasingly showing. There were times when I could see that my behaviour
was not really me. This seemed more pronounced when I was taking a pain killer called Solpadiene. About 1983 I took a
month off on my own and returned somewhat refreshed. The depression lasted about 3 years.
As I failed to cope with mood swings and continued to have bouts of being unable to communicate, my marriage, already a bit
rocky, became a living hell. Eventually we separated.
I was becoming increasingly frustrated with the farming job, as well as increasingly frustrated at my new inability to do things
properly – to plan and organise as I had before.
Eventually, in 1987, I parted company with the farm owner and attempted to make my living as a freelance consultant and
salesman. This involved enormously long hours, much travelling, many disappointments but a living of sorts. Occasionally
the "headaches" would return, every couple of month or so. I would have to just give up until I could feel motivated again. I
had given up using solpadiene, as the effects frightened me.
Finally I got a "proper" job with a government agency. Fortunes varied as I tried to develop a new career, and still the
occasional bouts of catatonic inertia, or even mental paralysis continued from time to time. I became aware that I did not feel
as clever as I once had – as though I had lost some brain functions. My organisational priorities did not return and I had
frequent crises with paperwork.
Things progressed slowly – it became clear that the prejudice against my time in agriculture coupled with my reduced
paperwork skills were going to militate against a strong career development. But I was in a job, paying the mortgage, with a
new wife and eventually 4 lovely children. An element of philosophical resignation crept in and helped me accept the way
things were.
Eventually, around Easter 2000, I was "aware" almost of a click in my brain as though the last bit of jigsaw had gone back into place after a lengthy rebuilding process. The effects of the encephalitis felt as though they were finished, not without some damage, but the cure was completed and, what repairs were going to be effected were now finished. I was a lot older, 22 years
since being stricken, a bit wiser, a notable under-achiever, who could not share the anguish and disappointment of all these
years of carrying an invisible burden with anyone, even my wife.
But it had apparently gone; I hope that this story may help others not to lose hope completely, and to take note of small improvements and to see them as part of a long but continuous upward progress.
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Dan
Hampshire, U. K.
Posted: Feb. 11, 2002 |
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